Self-Care vs. Self-Indulgence

Lately, we have been hearing a lot about the buzzword "self-care." From face masks and bubble baths to weekend getaways, the internet is flooded with images of what self-care "looks like." But is that what bnb vvv “self-care” ACTUALLY looks like? From the mental health perspective, that’s not really what we mean.

It’s a subtle but crucial difference, and it boils down to two words that sound similar but lead to very different outcomes: self-care and self-indulgence.

The Allure of Indulgence: A Quick Fix

Let's be honest, self-indulgence feels good. In the moment, it's often exactly what we crave. It’s that extra slice of cake when we’re feeling down, that impulsive shopping spree we can’t really afford, or binge-watching an entire series when we know we have pressing tasks.

Self-indulgence is typically:

• About immediate gratification. It's a quick escape from discomfort, stress, or boredom.
• Often reactive. We do it to avoid a feeling, rather than for our long-term well-being.
• Can have negative long-term consequences. Think financial stress from overspending, health issues from overeating, or increased anxiety from procrastinating.
• Doesn't necessarily build you up. While it provides temporary pleasure, it rarely contributes to your personal growth or emotional resilience.

We've all been there. After a grueling week, sometimes all I want is to order every kind of takeout and spend 10 hours glued to the TV. And there’s nothing inherently wrong with that occasionally! But if that becomes my go-to "self-care" every time I feel stressed, I often wake up feeling more sluggish, guilty, and even more stressed than before. It's a band-aid, not a cure.

The Power of Self-Care: Investing in Your Future Self

True self-care, on the other hand, isn't always glamorous, and it doesn't always feel good in the moment. Sometimes it's downright hard. It's about making choices that benefit your future self, even if your present self would rather do something easier or more immediately gratifying.

Self-care is typically:

• Proactive and intentional. It's about anticipating your needs and addressing them before you hit rock bottom.
• Focused on long-term well-being. It asks, "What do I need to do now to feel better, stronger, and more balanced tomorrow, next week, or next year?"
• Can sometimes involve discomfort. It might mean having a tough conversation, going to bed early when you want to stay up, or pushing yourself to exercise when you’d rather not.
• Builds resilience and strength. It's an investment in your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

For me, real self-care often looks less like a spa day and more like:

• Going for a walk even when I'm tired, because I know the fresh air and movement will clear my head.
• Spending an hour meal-prepping on Sunday, so I have healthy lunches all week and one less thing to stress about.
• Having a difficult but necessary conversation with a friend, which initially feels uncomfortable but ultimately strengthens our bond and my peace of mind.
• Setting firm boundaries around my work hours, even if it means saying no to something that could bring temporary praise.
• Spending 15 minutes journaling to process emotions, rather than scrolling aimlessly.

When I engage in these acts of genuine self-care, I might not get that instant "sugar rush" of pleasure, but I consistently feel more grounded, energized, and capable afterwards.

The Telltale Sign: How Do You Feel Afterwards?

If you’re struggling to distinguish between the two in your own life, ask yourself one simple question: "How do I feel after this activity?"

• After self-indulgence: You might feel a temporary high, followed by guilt, shame, increased anxiety, or a lingering sense of unfulfillment.
• After self-care: You might feel a sense of calm, increased energy, clarity, empowerment, or a quiet satisfaction that you've done something truly good for yourself.

It’s not about deprivation, and it’s certainly not about judging ourselves. It’s about being mindful and intentional. It’s recognizing that sometimes, the things that truly take care of us aren’t always the easiest or most immediately pleasurable. But they are always, always the most rewarding in the long run.

So, next time you feel the urge to "treat yourself," take a moment. Is it a quick indulgence that will leave you feeling hollow, or is it an act of genuine self-care that will truly nourish your mind, body, and spirit?